Unspeakable Dreams are What Some of Us have…
- I’m just writing an incident I encountered yesterday …
- Yesterday, I asked my mom: Just what do you know about me as your child?
I’m a second child at my family with an Elder sister who’s three years older than me.
And, honestly, My sister’s smart. She had always been.
She’s good at her studies, good at dealing with social situations cleverly, she also sometimes returned home with all kinds of prizes she got which was kind of opposite of my character.
During my kindergarten, I always used to sleep on the back bench. I was not interested in studies. If not for my father who was patient enough to educate me slowly, I wouldn’t have scored well at all.
I also used to wonder why.
Why was I such a dumb child when both my father and sister are such smart people? Unlike them, If I don’t have someone to push me from the back, I will never study. Why is there a huge difference between us?
But, I was such a stubborn child that I didn’t want to admit that I lacked interest in studies at that time.
Now, it’s been 20 years.
At this age, I’ve already went through a lot.
Failure at some Exams. Depression. Mobile Addiction. Inferiority Complex. Social Anxiety. People-pleasing.
It’s a lot.
And I’ve already managed to pull myself out of all this struggles all by myself today. Because, for many many years, when I looked back for someone to seek help, no one was there. At that time, I thought that they all hate me.
There were times when I thought my parents only loved my Sister. Coz, there were many times when my mom asked me,
Why don’t you be more like your sister? Responsible and Studious?
Yeah, I also wondered.
But, only after I realised that everyone has their own ideals and no one can be compared to each other, was I able to rescue myself out of darkness.
I’m not like them. True, I’m not smart like them but, I have my own ideals and goals in my life.
And yesterday, I suddenly felt like asking my mother a question:
As your child, just what do you know about me? Just what do you think of me?
The first thing she said is:
“You’re too stubborn”
She’s right. I’m stubborn. Because I kept feeling like I was not thier favourite child, I was always used to go against them, a stubborn child I was.
It was such an obvious answer.
And the second thing she said was:
“You don’t have any goals. You’re not responsible to your life. You live your life just for the sake of it. You don’t make any effort at all. You’re lazy. Never listening to anyone. Even when I sent you to learn an instrument, you didn’t make any effort to it. You don’t even have a hobby.”
Well, she’s not half wrong.
However, this answer also proved me something else.
Other than the common, basic information, She knew nothing else about me.
- I do have a goal: I want to be a Writer.
- I do work hard towards that goal of mine by writing articles and novels daily.
- I do have hobby: I love drawing, sketching and digital art.
- I’m not lazy. I just have naturally low pressure levels which I take supplemets to and work out everyday at 4 am.
She didn’t know anything of this because…
2 years ago, when I asked my mother, “How about I become a Writer?”, she said, “Can you even make a living out of it? Focus on studying well and become a doctor.”
That’s why, I never talked about my goals to anyone in my family ever again. Because, they all pretty much reacted the same way.
That’s why…
What some of us have are UNSPEAKABLE DREAMS, GOALS.
Because, the people around us doesn’t agree with our ideals. I’m not smart in studies.
But, I have great sketching and digital art skills, Great writing skills, great fashion and design sense.
It’s just I excel in the streams they’re not aware of.
We can only keeps our goals hidden.
Maybe, we can speak it out one day when we achieve that secret goal of ours.
-Cayal-
Love Yourself◆◇
